Companions: what families ask us

Most of the calls I take come from a son or a daughter, and most of them begin with an apology. They live in another city, or another country. Their mother is well, mostly, but alone in a large house, and has stopped going out. They do not want a nurse. They are not sure what they want. They are calling because a friend said we might know.

What they usually want is a companion, and it may help to say what that is.

What a companion does

A companion keeps an older person company and keeps their life going: meals taken together, the walk that would otherwise not happen, the drive to the club or the doctor or the grandchildren, the letters answered, the calendar kept, the newspaper read aloud when the print is too small. A good companion notices when something has changed and tells the family, with the client’s knowledge, before it becomes a crisis.

What a companion does not do

Our companions are not nurses or caregivers, and do not give medical or personal care. Where a client needs that, we work alongside the agency or clinic that provides it, and the companion makes sure that everyone knows what everyone else is doing. Nor is a companion a housekeeper, although many households have both, and the two usually become allies.

Living in

About half of our companions live in. Families sometimes ask whether that means someone will be awake all night. It does not. It means someone will be there all night, which is not the same thing, and which, in our experience, is what most clients and most families actually want.

The companion who stays longest with a client often becomes the person who knows them best. We take that seriously, and so should families. When the time comes for a placement to end, we ask families to talk to us early, so that it ends well for everyone, including the companion, who has usually lost something too.